Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ackpthoo baby!

An end(s)-of-days paranoid is what I've become over the last few months. Resigned myself to the idea that hell is convenient. What's to complain in a place that doesn't give a shit about etiquette, norms, bonds and other jazz. Instantaneously a nearly superhero status of Iceman overcame me. Was sweating beads of trepidation. And all this because I contemplated complete freedom and acceptance of hell. MF freezes because her conditioning of chuntu years kicked in. God was feared eventhough she isn't. Involuntary. Reflex. Conditioning done good. Heels keeled over washed out by deluge of abishtoos. Maya gave CPR. Sputter-to-life soon turned into a gurgle of glee as the nut rushed out at life with open arms. For the moment forgotten. Waiting for it to accost me while reading spoof on Vijay Kanth, while swerving to avoid pothole, fidgeting with blackhead and other such inane instances. The end isn't ashamed to reveal itself. But insipid ties and a taste for family politics glues on like tar. If this isn't sadistic on one's part and masochistic of the other (unbenokwnst) ya lay down and roll in the tar embedding specks of gravel in bosom. Expunge I say. And of course there's no pain. It lives in the head. One last emotion or 50 odd years of surfing emos and being perpetually lost in transition?

Gaah! What the faff. The talk of hypocrite. Rebels, actually registers only mild irritation not when the rut crosses my path but only when it nudges me out of the way. Not punctual. Not particularly ambitious. Hey a Canadian dude bartered a giant red paper clip for a house. SEE!!! Now why's that bit of green and silver stopping us eh? I can't have my cake and eat it too. Never understood it. Why de faff can't I?! It's ideal. That's why I can't have it. That's why no one can have it. Those who think they can, pretend. 2 ways about this thingy...ya don't listen and sink into blisfully willfully ignorant lifestyle reconfiguring means as ends or ya don't listen and look at what's in store in the direction ya don't take (as Kerouac said) with an i-pod doling out mood music by the minute to keep you in the spirit. Oh and I feel terrible for Zizou.

Friday, July 07, 2006

long time comin...

Was tagged at the beginning of the year. Now I take it seriously cause I'm bored enough :p

10 years ago...
Figured the joys of turning invisible. Turned a confirmed escapist. Read Shakespeare for the first time...The Merchant of Venice. Was an athlete...shortest on the team but always managed to place in high jump. Realized I like poetry.

5 years ago...
Passed out of school :-) got 95 % in accounts ( I get kicks out of not knowing how de faff I managed to land up with such marks considering my history with numbers). Realized there was nothing I can study except Literature and that if I tried anything else I'd be doomed for life. Went to the college of my choice and sank into blissful complacence entitled by a small world of authors, dramatists, poets, to-be-writers, I'll-just-get-married-after-this(ers), assignments and exams. Travelled by MTC for the first time. Learnt how to ride a kinetic. Figured my mom was the queen at making sandwiches! Lumbered with Thomas Hardy (though I really do like Far from the madding crowd).

Last year...
was thrilled there was just one more sem to go in the hell hole! Terribly disillusioned because a certain person of authority brought to my notice that molestation is OK and that if I felt otherwise, I must come from a middle class family without sophistication. Saw this attitude being backed by a majority of women aspiring to be journalists. Made a good friend, J. Fell in love with Rohinton Mistry. Finally decided to let the grudge I held against B'lore drop and enjoyed its bookshops, ice cream parlours and theatres squeezing me dry. Got accustomed to rats of all sizes scurrying past or nuzzling behind my laundry bag. Kinda came close to figuring how it is to be a lesbian couple when my roomy and I took care of a stray pup with a broken leg, who in spite of it insisted on playing at 4 am. Began to like the vegetables chow chow and dhondakai.

Saw Mi3. Made mango souffle which initially seemed good and then decided to suck. Perused through 'Pretty Women of Paris', a directory of 18th century prostitutes in Paris and wondered which wench I'd be. Used Pril dish cleaner to wash the loo just cause I was in the mood and there was nothing else...it works pretty well...lemony and fresh! Was punching the air clasping at mosquitos and the number of hits exceeded the misses.

5 yummy things...
Vanjaram fry (mom')
Kaadai fry (Kaaraikudi)
Squid (Pecos)
Hot fudge brownie sundae (Sparkys)
After Eights

5 things I know by heart...
13 stanzas of Thiru Mandhiram (pithy, terrific tamil poetry doubling up as mandhiram)
15th ch of the Baghawad Gita ( it's the smallest and therefore the only one I tried learning)
The Second Coming by Yeats
Lines from the movie CRASH
Lyrics of Ninukori, a few others by Illayaraja and a whole bunch of Sinatra songs

5 things I'd do if I had a lot more money...
Hire assassins to snipe those I don't fancy
Fit a decent music system in my car which plays other stuff apart from my mom's Jesudas and Bhakthi paadal collection
Chumma chumma buy stuff for friends
Make mint chocolate cake a part of my everyday menu
Hoard books (and the more real ones like buy p'dner Second Sex which is overdue)

5 things I'd never wear...
Stilts (though I do rarely in my attempts to exude a certain amount of grace when I'm in a sari and to prevent me from strutting around like a thug)
Hair mascara
Gold jewelery
Kanchipuram silk

5 favourite TV Shows...
Don't watch TV but if I did 'twud be for Friends and whose line is it anyway

5 things I enjoy doing...
Singing along to Ella Fitzgerald in hopes...sigh
Sweating it out by rummaging through stuffed second hand bookshops
Trying out new eateries
Plonking on the beach

5 people I'm gonna tag...
None. Don't expect anyone to be as bored.